After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
