Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
