I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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