i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
