I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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