I hate your face
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
