This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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