butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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