Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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