I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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