Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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