I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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