my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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