she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
