Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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