I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
