i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
