I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
