I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize