Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
