hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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