I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
