I just made out with a guy for $7.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
