i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
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You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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