I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
