Nicole vs. Life
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
