this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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