So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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