also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
