it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need water and some morals
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
