That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
