I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
