a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
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