the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
