This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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