No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
