It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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