I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
