Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
