We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
