I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
