We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
