well I can't set my house on fire every night
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
