Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
