I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Be still, my beating vagina.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
