Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
