dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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