Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
