She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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