Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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