bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
