Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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