i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
