Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize