Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
NoShamevember. You game?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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