Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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