I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
