Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
