:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
