Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
