they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
