Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
