once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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