the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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