i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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