She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
