Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
