I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
