The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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