i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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