My liver just broke up with me...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
