you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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