If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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