I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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