Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got inside last night via doggy door
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
