He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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