just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
