saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
