So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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