textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
