Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
