Me too!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
