I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
