in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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