he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
